The Joy of Teaching

One humorist mused that humor is the shortest distance between two people.

Mark Twain said, when a child becomes a teenager, you should “put him in a barrel and feed him through a hole in the lid. When they turn sixteen, Twain said, Plug the hole!” 

Speaking of high schoolers: One time, when we were studying genetics, a student raised his hand and asked, “Mr. Netz, how would you feel if someone cloned you?” I pondered that for a moment and said, “I would be so mad I would be beside myself.”

Part of being a teacher involves being observed teaching by your principal. Mr. Becker was sitting in the back of the room with clipboard in hand. Being observed made me become more animated as I welcomed the opportunity.

Because I had a mouse above my ceiling earlier that week I had put a mouse trap above the ceiling tile and pulled the tile away just a bit. Unfortunately, the trap was set just above where Mr. Becker set his chair. 

Sure enough, midway through the lesson the sound of the snapping trap woke up any drowsy students I might have had. The trap with its death grip on the mouse’s neck fell out of the ceiling, dripping blood on the white wall sending nauseous students to the opposite side of the room. Mr. Becker was impressed with my “the show must go on attitude.”

The class roster at the beginning of the year was often a challenge. These are students I never had but wanted to:

…a girl that talked too much- her first name was Gabby.

…a guy who bragged about taking yoga- his name was Ben Dover

…Ben’s sister named Eileen. She liked yoga too. (Eileen Dover)

…the local Dollar Store manager’s daughter – her name was Lois Price.

There are things you thought you would never have to say. And then you became a teacher. “Who is snorting like a pig?” “Please don’t lick the desk.” “Why do have your Grand-mom’s false teeth?” “No we can’t chew gum we found on the bathroom floor.” “We keep our eyes open when we are walking.”

A few years ago I was a long-term sub at a school in the county. Fifth grade math and science. Are you kidding me? I love it. The students do a lot of their work on Chromebooks and are obviously very proficient. But the adults are sneaky. They have a program called Go Guardian where they can see what website they are on. They can get a screenshot or even lock their screen so they can’t use their computer. The teacher I am subbing for has a list on the board of three approved educational websites. Last week was my last week. I was there for six weeks for the teacher’s leave. Anyway, two girls were on Google (not on the approved list) but I hesitated to lock their screens. This is what they were working on… “Thank you, teacher, for reaching deep in me to find all I can be in my self. You never gave up on me. I have a future because of you.”  This is not humorous but it touched my heart.